American

 

Today was a super positive day for me. It began with the arrival of Terra early this morning. She's in town en route to a friend's wedding this weekend and I'm glad she brought some good luck with her.

 

I got a call today and have an interview on Monday with a tape duplication company! I really really really hope I get this job. It starts out as temporary, but has a possibility of being permanent. Good enough for me, but as I've learned nothing is guaranteed so I'm still sending out the resume.

 

We joined Terra's friend Jeff in Manhattan for dinner and later to watch the presidential debate. Even Kerry did an impressive job today.

 

There is hope after all.

 

I wish I were stronger in times of weakness and weaker in times of strength. I seem to be on an endless quest for balance in life. In science courses I was taught that the body is constantly trying to achieve homeostasis. I'm starting to believe that it's a fight that can't be won.

 

The earth is orbiting the sun at 67,000 mph. Even at this speed, because the Sun is so enormous and our proximty to it, our planet requires 365 days just to make one complete circle around it. So what happens when we return to the point of origin? Is it truly a new year or are we right back where we started?

 

You tell me. We seem to pretend that volcano eruptions, human tragedy, sex and religious conflict are new and current topics when in actuality they are repetitive themes in our existence on this rock. We invent more ways of taking our minds off the fact; yes the fact that we are in a state of perpetual motion. And the best thing we can do for others and ourselves is to make our stay here as enjoyable as we can before some other poor soul takes our place here.

 

That is something to hope for, to work for and live for.

 

I'm sure you've noticed a drop-off in the frequency of updates to this site. I hate writing about feeling down or discouraged so I've been delaying the logs hoping for any sign of good news. It has been very few and far between for me these days.

 

The confidence that I had at the beginning of my journey is clearly missing right now. I can't understand why I am still hurting from my last days at the apartment, but I am. I'm questioning myself constantly and increasingly I feel very negative.

 

I hate this feeling and never want to feel this way again.

 

I've got that interview tomorrow and I'm getting mentally prepared for it. The biggest challenge I have is not coming across as desperate. I am though. I need this job like the Red Sox need a World Series ring. Yeah its that bad.

 

I don't know.

The position will be filled by Friday and I hope I'm the chosen one.

It felt really good being in Manhattan.

Kinda remembered why I was drawn here.

The energy.

The variety.

The beginning or The end?

 

My 6-year old nephew Jeff sent me the sweetest email ever today. It reads as follows: