I drove to Montreal to look at the loft that's available for sublet. After taking one look at the space, I knew I would have no problem staying there. Its fabulous! How would living there work out though?

 

More info:

 

Denise is an artist who's subletting the place while she goes to L.A for 6 months . She was very nice and honest about the challenges of living there. The winter is touch and the biggest obstacle will be finding work.

 

Working in Canada requires a work permit that you can only get if a company hires you for a job that a Canadian couldn't do. Very challenging. This is the major concern that I have right now.

 

Well I left Canada 90% sure that I'm making this move. I told her I need 24 hours to make sure its the right move. I must explore where the 10% hesitation comes from. 6pm Friday is the deadline for me to call her with my final answer.

 

God I wrestled with this decision all day long. I spent hours on the phone with people all over the country. Got lots of emails all with great advise and comments about what I should do.

 

Stay here and I will be in hotels for God knows how long. Go there and I wont be able to get a job legally. What to do? What to do?

 

At 6pm, I called Denise and told her that because I was afraid of being there for 6 months faced with illegally working in the country was a risk that I was willing to take at this time. She understood and said that she was thinking about the same thing. The place she is staying at in L.A. is only for 2 months at which time she would be faced with finding work and another place to live.

 

A silver lining.

 

She proposed that we both commit to two months in our perspective new countries and see what happens after that. This is the solution I was waiting for.

 

I could easily come back to New York for job interview etc. should they present themselves in 2 months. At the same time I can feel out Montreal for income. After 2 months I will either come back to New York or leave the continent this time with a full plan for income. Its one thing to drive across the border from Canada and another thing swim across the Atlantic.

 

Well, she's going to let me know for sure by Monday. If she says no it won't work then I'll stick it out another 6 months in New York somehow some way.

 

In the meantime I will be packing and heading back to the Extended Stay in New Jersey. At least I can watch cable tv though. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

 

Today was the most difficult day that I may have ever faced. It wasn't the act of moving out of my apartment that was tough. It was dealing with very hurtful words that I got in the form of an email, from the very person who first reached out to me while I was still driving east to New York.

 

I was told that my entire stay here was a complete failure. That I am someone who 'couldn't pull himself up'. That I spent too much time with my tourist friends instead of connecting with New Yorkers who would have loved to 'help' me out.

 

That's just it. I never wanted to be helped. For the last 6 months, I didn't get the memo that I was this person's 'project'. All the while I was enjoying myself, it was seen as wasting time.

 

This is very painful and devastating to me. I dealt with this by completely withdrawing from everyone but Shelly just in order to gather enough strength today to pack my stuff and move.

 

Here I am now back in a New Jersey hotel room. Wishing that I never had accepted the first offer of help if it meant that it would elicit this type of response. I just want to sleep so I don't have to think about it any more. 

 

Today was spent in depression. I hate writing about things like this but I just have to get this out of my system.

 

Last night I left the apartment with the futon remaining in my room and a pile of dust that needed to be cleaned up. Instead of staying there spending another 30 minutes to deal with this. I left with to allow myself enough time to get to Jersey and check into my hotel room, before the 11pm check-in deadline.

 

My plan was to go back and finish up in Brooklyn, but when I woke up this morning, I couldn't move. I felt empty. Hollow.

 

I knew that she would be at the apartment painting today, I called and asked if it would be too much to ask to put the futon out on the curb. She expressed her anger at having to clean the 'gross' mess and that they would deal with this also.

I feel shitty about that. I really do.

 

She can add that to list of character flaws that I was given a few days ago. I'm not disclosing parts of the conversation that involved other people, but right now I feel like I wish I never met this person. What kind of person seeks to destroy you because you no longer accept their help and advise? That's some sick shit. That's some religious fanatic shit.

 

I'm pissed off because instead of sitting here thinking about all the wonderful moments I had over the last 6 months, all I can think about is this bullshit. It's truly a lesson to me to beware of needy personality types, but I was totally caught off guard by this one. I never encountered a needy person who needs to help someone in order to feel validated. It won't happen again.

 

I'm staying in New York longer. Going to Montreal and commuting back here during a 2 month period is crazy. In gas alone that's $90 a trip. If I make 5 trips down here thats $450 dollars which means that my cost of living would be the same as it is now minus 12 hours in commute time. Not a good idea. Even for a dreamer like me.

 

I dont want to leave here with the bitter feeling that I have right now. Not towards New York, but towards the way things have gone down over the last few days. So I'll be around folks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-The End 

 

The end of the world is near. Hurricanes are pounding us. The holy lands are ravaged by war. And now.....I have a cell phone.

 

Yes I have a cell phone. No longer having a New York landline, I got one for perspective job purposes. It's also used as an emergency phone line from the mayor of Gotham city. They forgot to send me the bat costume though....